Monday, October 20, 2008

10 Hollywood Remakes Waiting to be Made

These days there seems to be an ever decreasing ability in Hollywood to come up with new and innovative storylines, instead reverting to the rehashing of old cinema classics and attempting to portray these make-overs as their own work. Such shocking and totally unnecessary remakes of St Trinians, School for Scoundrels and even the Italian Job where only the title and the Mini Coopers accounted for its making are really tiresome attempts to cash-in on someone else’s glory.

Here are 10 all-time-box-office-hits upon which the mighty movie moguls might want to put their chintzy view.

1) “Kes”, surely this screams, disadvantaged, drug crazed gang banger discovers falconry in Central Park.

2) ”Zulu”, this British classic lends itself to hero worship, against the odds blood and guts. Just call it Taliban and have some G.I.s trapped by 1000s of Muslim extremists in the desert.

3) “Burger at Niagara Falls” is just crying out to be the reworking of the Auzzie, “Picnic at Hanging Rock” where a group of turn of the century girls have lunch on a native American burial ground and are never seen again.

4) “Tea with Mussolini” - remake it in 1943 Germany and call it “Coffee with Hitler” (or Kwaffee or Latte as they seem to say in New York) and have Madonna with her beautiful English accent playing Maggie Smith.

5) “Straw Dogs”, where a group of redneck hicks in some quaint village in the Adirondacks, orchestrate a hate campaign against the new stranger in town.

6) “A Taste of Honey”, it has it all, sexual deviance, underage pregnancy, race. All you have to do is swap Bradford for Birmingham Alabama, the Barton Swing Bridge for the Golden Gate, maple syrup for honey and away you go.

7) “The Eagle Has Landed” - what a cracker for terrorism scare tactics. Homeland security exposed when Eastern extremists, disguised as traffic cops, take over a small village near Camp David in an attempt to assassinate George Bush.

8) “It Happened Here”, more panic on home soil as somehow everyone converts to Islam, you never know it could happen there.

9) “Killing of Sister George”, change the name to Amiee Lou or Cheryl Anne and you have a drunken lesbian soap star getting bumped off a successful show due to her drunken antics.

10) “Mutiny on the Buses”, classic 70’s British comedy. Would a big fight on a Greyhound get the same laughs with Jim Carey as Blakey?.

Add your list of risible remakes to, the classic British film location site.

Neal Winfield